Apologies for no blog last week!
Things are very busy at the moment with show rehearsals and I just didn't get around to posting.
This week's guest blog is from Gareth Cadogan, speaking not from personal experience, but from an observers perspective.
Anyone interested in guest blogging - feel free to message me on Facebook/Twitter:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/letstalkaboutmentalhealth
Twitter: @letstalkmhealth
Xxxx
Gareth Cadogan is a 24 year old male living and working in Birmingham. Though he does not suffer from social anxiety himself, he has a number of close friends who do and has observed the condition in them.
Social anxiety is defined as a disorder in which a person
has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. And while I may
not have personal experience of anxiety, I have lived with it. I have a friend
who lives with me. A friend who was afraid for a long time.
I first met my friend in early 2014. He was a shy man who
didn’t talk much which seemed strange to me as it would only have taken a
change of clothes and a leather jacket and he would not have been out of place
at a biker rally. I had fully expected him to be loud, over-the-top and
imagined he would become the centre of attention in any room he stepped in to.
If there was ever evidence that you can’t judge a book by
the cover, then I’ve known him personally. Indeed, my friend turned out to be
the opposite of what I had imagined. He only spoke when spoken to and, even
then, he had such a soft voice that it was sometimes a struggle to hear him. We
had just met then so I didn’t think much of it. He seemed a nice enough guy and
that was good enough as far as I was concerned.
We began hanging out more and more and my friends became his
friends. We learned more about his life. He lived with his parents and siblings
in a house that seemed too small to contain them. It was a good and loving home
but, all the same, I thought it would do him good to get out of there and live
in a place of his own. Our friends agreed. At the time I was looking for a new
housemate and so I asked my friend to come live with me. He agreed.
It was while we lived together that I learned that the root
of his shyness ran deep. On the estate where he lived there were apparently a
group of kids who would bully and pick on him mercilessly. This treatment had
made him fearful of groups and strangers. He had created a shell around himself
so that he could hide from the world. I have experienced some bullying in my
life but I would never pretend that what I experienced was on the same level.
That is not to say my friend was a total recluse. He visited
friends and still came drinking with us when we went to the pub. But he still
preferred his own company.
Even while we lived together, he spent most of his time in
his room. He only really came out for food, to go shopping or to hang out with
the rest of us from time to time. Though he had gotten out on his own, he still
seemed afraid of the world, but he himself said that he was better than he had
been. That was apparent to all of us.
In the time he had been with us, he had grown more
confident. He voiced opinions of his own without just going along with what the
group said. He showed anger, something that came as a real surprise to me the
first time I saw it. To see this man who I had always known to be so placid
show emotion was more than a little shocking.
I am not a socially anxious person. I like my alone time but
other people don’t worry or frighten me. I’m perfectly comfortable having a
conversation with a stranger. Because of this I cannot say what it is like to
be afraid of social scenarios but I have seen someone overcome his fears of
social scenarios.
It seems a cruel irony that the best way to defeat social
anxiety is to do the very thing that scares you most. You have to push out of
your comfort zone. Out of the cocoon you have formed for yourself and re-join
the world. But that is only half of it. I’d like to think that I the others
helped my friend become stronger. I believe that you need people around you to
help you stand on your feet when you are at your lowest. But you also need a
real reason to want to get out and leave the safe zone you make for yourself.
My friend is now in Brazil, visiting a girl he met online
(one of the few cases where she turned out not to be a catfish). I’ve heard
from him once since he left when he wished me a happy birthday, so I can only
assume he’s having a good time.
To see my friend as he is today, when I remember how he was,
is truly humbling. He may not see it in himself but I think all of us around
him can see how much happier he is. I don’t think a year ago he would have
dared fly to Brazil yet he is there now because he took
the risk.
Living with social anxiety in the house can sometimes be
trying, as you want so much for them to feel happy in life and safe to be in
the world. But all you can do is be there for them when they need it, providing
comfort and reassurance as best you can. Because no one wants to be
uncomfortable in their own skin or afraid all the time of what might be. They
are doing their best for us so it’s only right that we do the same.
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