GUEST BLOG - Patsy Pease - Bipolar and Late Diagnosis

This week's blog is by US actress, Patsy Pease.
These are reposts of Patsy's original posts from her own blog, which you can follow here - https://patsypease.wordpress.com/about-2/

An introduction from Patsy:
"I am "flat out", "no holds barred", publicly vocal about mental illness. Secrets of my family's mental illness literally buried most of them with multiple suicides. So, I use my real name and speak up! To hell with shame and appearances.This is my life and I carry a genetic brain dysfunction that has killed  most of my family in horrific ways. If you need help ,you have the right to ask. I want people to know they can survive the suffering and become productive again. I believe the proper use of the celebrity platform is to inform, enlighten and inspire the public. If I am not only surviving a fatal illness, but living a peaceful life- it is my  responsibility to share with those still suffering-the miracle. Yes, the actions I take everyday for recovery keep me balanced. I am a walking miracle. Yes, I sing it out to the top of my lungs. The chains of insanity and death are broken. I found a way out of Hell and so can you!"

Thank you Patsy for speaking out about your story and for giving me permission to share!


Patsy Pease is an American actress, best known for her role in the soap opera 'Days of Our Lives'. Patsy was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder late on in her life.

"Hello and welcome!  Some folks may know me as “Patsy Pease the actress” but that’s not why I created this blog. My real life makes my acting career look boring…and I have a pretty neat acting career :)

However, my personal difficulties  always seemed to baffle me. (and everyone around me) So much of my behavior remained a mystery and what little about the “roller coaster”( I called my  life)  was revealed felt brutally painful and extremely humiliating. So, it’s taken a lot of work to uncover,discover and discard the pain, the blame and the shame.

The best way I know to communicate is through story telling. After all, that’s what I do for a living. I am a professional story teller. In the pages of this blog my goal is to share my experience, strength and hope with anyone who may feel as I did. (and sometimes still do) I don’t have any answers. However, I can share some simple solutions that helped me, post a few links to cool inspirational stuff, but  most valuable of all (to me) is my experience …my story.

Also, my greatest asset , the thing that shamed me most (ironically) is also the thing that serves others best…my past.  Yep,that ugly thing! The good ,the bad and especially the ugly.

Funny, how  a clumsy word like ‘blog‘ can take an ugly duckling story like mine, share it with the world and create a swan! Thank you for being a part of this  transformational journey ~ Patsy

Recovery From Shame

I was diagnosed ‘Bi Polar’ late in life.

Unfortunately, (my diagnosis) was after I was arrested for smacking a guy upside the head with a mop and spent 5 days (and 4 scary nights) in a Van Nuys, Ca. filthy  jail cell. I was also 21 years sober, a mother of 2 teenage sons and volunteered in recovery homes at the time. Nevertheless, no diagnosis–no help–off to jail.

Unfortunately,it was after I posted nude pictures (of myself) all over the internet. I met photographers in strange, remote locations. Some were just “G.W.C.” (guys with cameras) Indiscriminately, I disrobed anyway, took nude pictures and had unprotected sex.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t diagnosed until after I flew across country to spend time with ‘mysterious’ men I’d met online. I thought nothing of spending days with these strangers in secluded places…neglecting to tell anyone where I was.

Unfortunately, it was after I followed a group of police into a tattoo parlor. I heard cops know the best ‘ink joints’ ….and well…now , I have permanent evidence of what a full blown manic episode looks like…a  link of strange symbols playfully circling and tattooed on my right bicep.

I wasn’t diagnosed bi-polar until after I turned 50 years old. Up until then I had  Major Depressive Disorder…but oh, I was called ‘slightly moody‘ and more than just a little ‘high strung.‘ My psychiatrist probably credited that to my profession (I’m an actor) rather than my disorder. Understandably confusing, some actors can have erratic, intense if not down-right ‘ kooky’ behavior. (I owe that part to my own childishness and immaturity, not mental illness)

I don’t fault my doctors for not ‘cluing in’ sooner. Maybe they never saw the mania. Maybe ‘the mania’ had a life of it’s own and worsened after menopause. Whatever the reason, it has my full undivided attention now.

All I have to do is glance at my right arm. Wrapped around my bicep is some strange Japanese calligraphy. I thought about having it removed, but I never EVER want to forget what can happen again, if I stop my medication, therapy, diet, exercise, girlfriend time etc. Yes, it takes a village. However, if I have to juggle a ‘second career in recovery’ (just to regain my self respect) I am grateful I have that second chance. Many don’t. My mother and brother didn’t.

It took me years to finally discover what the hell I had permanently inked on my arm though. Finally, I saw its’ exact replica on a symbols site. It simply means ‘white light‘ A Johre symbol for peace, protection and healing.

When I learned what I’ve been ‘ping ponging’ around with, on my arm all these years, I felt like Blanche Dubois in Tennessee William’s play “Streetcar Named Desire” (at the end of Act 11)  when she turns to Mitch and says, “Sometimes, there’s God so quickly.” The irony of all my Russian Roulette, sexually suicidal behavior, while inked in ‘white light’, didn’t escape me.

Long ago I heard, “God looks after fools, drunkards and children.” ( I’ve been guilty of all three )

Well, I’d like to add…..”and the mentally ill too”…… God knows I’m living proof.

For anyone suffering in silence, please know you are not alone.  https://www.nami.org/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1(800) 273-8255

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week  Languages: English, Spanish
Website www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org "



- Taken from Patsy's blog
To follow Patsy's story - https://patsypease.wordpress.com/about-2/

Twitter - @PatsyPease